Booze Chronicles

Its saturday night.And I have spent the past evening reading some really good blogs all written by 20 somethings.Man the writing skills they have.. bleedy humbling to say the least. I laughed a lot, 'awww'ed at some places and generally enjoyed reading it and i lost myself in their recollections.

But the one thing that struck me in as common in  their college recollections was- BOOZE.

All of them enjoyed their college life, dutifully got sloshed, threw up a lot, tried out everything ranging from rum to vodka to gin to (some cases) wine and came back with a lot of drunken albeit fun memories.

And me ? Bah.... i barely have gotten drunk 2 times.

Not that i didnt get help from people around me.


Example 1 :


*Place: Jammu.  Time:7 years back when i was in 9th. Situation: Family gathering. Since its a bleddy cold place alcohol here flows more freely than water(hands up people whose first thought was-' Duh alcohol has a lower freezing point'... NERD)*


Uncle 1(at me): 'Son come here, have a sip'
Me: uh no no...My mother wont like it.
Uncle 2: Aww isnt that sweet...NOW BE A MAN AND HAVE A SIP BEFORE I PISTOL WHIP YOUR SCRAWNY ASS.
Me: Y..Yes sir

Me drinks a glass of beer and goes to bed.

Me wakes up 12 hours later while everybody is having lunch. 
Unfortunately me mum smells beer on my breath 
And hence beats the bejesus out of me. Oh woe is me...



Example 2:


*Place:Barbeque nation Time:5 months back. Situation: My mum is out of station  so me,my dad and his business partner go out for dinner*


Me(thinking *Damn mate, enough is enough... today you ARE getting drunk.But lets start small*) :Waiter can i have a beer please ?
Dad and business partner(choking on food and at same time): What ??!!
Dad: Son but you can never tolerate alcohol  *sips on his 5th glass of beer*
Me: Grrrr... We'll see


Waiter gets me the maal. 

I take a sip. 

*choke* *gasp*


It tastes bitter as HELL.But i bravely down the entire glass nearly vomiting in the process.


And then my over thinking brain says to me "Woo-hoo... you had a glass of beer.. you should be totally sloshed by now.. That means you can do vandalism and all sorts of chutiyagiri and totally get away with it..Go on now..Shoo. Have fun".

And like an idiot i obey.


I slur my words.
I lean on my dad , look into his eyes and i tell him how much i love him.
I call up my best friend and tell her how hot i really think she is
I bang spoon on the table all the while singing loudly "Mary had a little lamb"
I ask the waiter to get me foie gras (This when i am a vegeatarian :P). And threaten to complain to manger when he says they don't serve it. 
I pee  in the potted plant next to the door.


Okay i didnt do the last one. You see my loving and caring father (who was watching me do all this with bemused expression on his face) quietly tapped me on the shoulder before i did it and said in a whisper that carried all around in the pin drop silent restaurant "Son one glass of beer doesnt make anyone high"


OMG..WTF


me: ..................
*blushes furiously* 
*sits quietly in seat. Has rest of dinner quietly in peace. Leaves extra 50 bucks tip for the patient waiters*


You get the idea right ?

I mean in college i am surrounded by some of the biggest booze guzzling creatures on the planet.


Somebodys birthday?
Drinks ahoy

You passed in a difficult subject ?

ditto

Got a new t shirt ?
double ditto

Your uncle's mother in law's nephew's best friend's sister's crush got a new pet goat ?

We are gonna drink them outta house and home son


And on it goes.

I mean these guys get wasted even two days before the exam and so badly that they vomit just before entering the hall just so they can write without interruptions. 

Recently our department was planning to go for an tour. No prizes for guessing what they had planned for the train journey -_-


And its not just the chaps. Most of my female friends have way more drinking experience than i do. 

Some of them have more alcohol tolerance than even irish dock workers (read:srips)


Kinda makes you feel less manly i must admit.

But never fear. I have seen the error of my ways. And i have been set on the right path.


Come these winter holidays a new me will be born.

" One drink to rule them all, one drink to find them,
One drink to bring them all and in the dryness bind them"


All hail JRR Tolkien \m/