Why i don't drink- Reason no. 67

So there I was sitting peacefully and reading a book today afternoon when i get a call from a distant cousin(he is my mum's cousin's husband's.... er i forgot how he is related to me but you get the idea )

(By the way even though he's about 15 years elder to me we don't pay much attention to it. He also earns a bit too much, has a really hot wife (no no..dont judge me) and loves to get roaring drunk every now and then, which unsurprisingly coincides with him being at his amusing best)


Back to the call-

me: hello

him:*sigh*

me: what's up bro  ?

him: *SIGHHHHH*

me(annoyed): are you there ?

him: kiddo let me give you a bit of good advice... Don't EVER get married. EVER.

me(confused): huh ??!! what ?

him: you heard me.. everything goes to crap when you get married

me(stifling laughter): seriously dude... wtf ? is this why you called me all the way from jammu ?? did you have a fight with bhabhi ?

him: shut you little whiny ungrateful brat... and listen to the me... I care for you that's why i am telling you. Just keep a girlfriend or whatever. Once you get married, the girl stops being nice *pauses*

*adds as an after thought* Yea, and she isn’t attentive anymore either

me(realisation dawning): wait a minute... you are drunk aren't you ?

him: huh ? yeah ..... so what ? I am giving you advice for your own good you whiny little bitch...

me: *bangs head on wall* you DEFINITELY are drunk...

him: listen to me…i know! It’s the best advice you will EVER get !  If you ever marry i will whup your ass.. you hear me ?  See this is what brothers are for..... TAKING CARE
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I am so glad i have SUCH caring elder brothers looking out for me.

*sigh*

P.S.  I just found out that apparently he got drunk and had a fight with his wife.

She threw him out of the house.

True story.